Alone, On Valentine's Day. Groundbreaking.

Tuesday, February 16, 2021




On Valentine's Day, I've done things which other may find daunting: I stepped out of my house and went to a happy place even when the streets are literally filled with couples within inch of each other they are practically one person with flowers and chocolates and teddy bears and icky stuff. I felt powerfully brave. I, alone again naturally, on Feb. 14, did not flinch when the couples inside the van were holding hands and whispered sweet nothings as if they could not be heard. It is super safe to assume that I was the only one not partnered on my way to Megamall. I'm so used to being alone that the thought of having someone at this point when I want a Me Time made me realize that single blessedness is something that you wear, like a red badge of courage, to make you feel better about yourself. 

Me Time? On Valentine's Day? Groundbreaking! 

So why this inspired alone time during a time when everyone wants to be with someone? First of all, the whole week before Valentines stressed me like no other. Second of all, why not? Lols. But yeah, I did flinch a little when couples inside the van held hands and whispered sweet nothings. I did close my eyes because everywhere I look, love, saccharine, sweet, sickly, is everywhere and glaring and borderline judging me because why, of all the days, I decide to go to a mall, alone. 

You know what, sige, I'll admit. I'm bitter about it. And it's a surprise that I did not loathe my motor skills for writing when I typed this here. I am not the one for wallowing.I am not the one for wallowing, now.  Guess I've gotten tired of it, I became desensitized.  If I cried my eyes out because nobody slides on my DM that he wants me to be his Valentine, then what's the point of me being free spirited and a go-getter? I even don't want to blame myself because you should never do it. Ever. The kind of energy that you put out to the world deserves to be felt by someone who has his own energy. In the same level of intensity that you give. So until then, you wait. And if, for instance, you feel that you have waited for so long, be comforted in the fact that you did not settle and you sort of swerve yourself out from possible pain that you otherwise will not feel had you listened to your intuition. 


No, this blog entry is not a post-Valentine brunt trauma. This is self-care because if you truly want to be happy, pursue your passions whether that leads nowhere or not. I was of course debating with myself whether I am trying to lead me somewhere especially now that the world around me is painted in blush and covered in gold foils. All I know is that retail therapy will make me happy. And so, at around 2 in the afternoon, when the steady streams of sweethearts seemed unabated, I gathered my New Yorker tote bag and wished to spend the day in my favorite places inside my favorite mall. No I did not intend to spend a lot because I have nothing to spend for starters. I just wanted to be surrounded by stuff that makes me happy: books, paper things, ephemera ( which I refuted to be not ephemeral). In case you didn't know, boys are not one of them lol. 

But did I mention that the lovers inside the van were having conversations that mere minutes of it, I am ready to declare to the universe that how come life is so unfair to gays who have so much love to give? Good thing, I was on my last week of Spotify Premium that I was able to listen to the soundtrack of To All The Boys, Always and Forever which is currently on loop. So even if the songs from the movie are unabashedly romantic yet diverse, it's a welcome reprieve as compared to lovers around me who chose to make me feel alone. 

Kidding. I am happy for them. I wish them long years of togetherness. 


                                       

My favorites are: Beginning, Middle and End by Leah Nobel and On Fire Again by FLETCHER. Beautiful songs from movie soundtrack always get me. 


****

Megamall was crawling with lovers they seemed to me like ants on sugar rush. The Valentines Day x Chinese New Year installation in the Fashion Hall I failed to take a picture of was probably complaining from all the unsolicited backdrop gaming. I mean it is meant for that but who would tell them? And I was reminded by a deep conscience: Let people enjoy things. Ohkie. 


So whenever I go to my favorite mall anytime of the year, I have go-to places where I usually shop for things. It's my mall-going constant. Like, I am not all crazy going to the nooks and crannies because who would do that? I once read an essay that if you want to really move on from anything that has caused you pain, if pain can really be separated from, then try walking the long stretch of Mega A to Mega B in all floors. I tried this once, of course, because I've been there before and I wanted to test the weight of words and the veracity of the essayist and no, she was wrong. I did not move on but if I can outperform myself by going the distance be it measured in miles and kilometers, or floors or long, interminable stretches, then probably moving on can not be far behind? Right? 


So if you have been following me in my early days of social media: Facebook, Twitter and Instagram ( everything can be accessed here on my website), you know that I only swear by books and stationeries. Clothes, shoes, watches, I don't know her. Add to the fact that these were really expensive AF so I don't mind not considering these my stress relievers. I'll probably even more broke than I already am! 


So what you can see below are my favorite shops especially when they are having insane discounts! It is important to note however that I only buy here when they are having hefty sales because tbh everything is pricey these days. Which is, of course, brought about by the pandemic. I am just really mighty glad that these brick and mortar shops did not fold up the way other businesses do as the onslaught of CoVid-19 still continues to wreck havoc. 


1. The Craft Central 




2. Scribe



3. Typo




4. Art Bar 



Not in pictures: Fullybooked, National Bookstore, Powerbooks and Noteworthy. The latter are currently closed over at Podium which is saddening. 


All of this walking is tiring of course because I am not built for this so another jab at the essayist: not everyone can walk from Mega A to Mega B even if the price to pay is genuinely moving on. So, of course,  I simply have to dine at my favorite Pepper Lunch which is owned by Chuvaness who I love so much not because she showered me often with gifts ( Think of bookshelves, Kindle Fire, GCs, stationeries) but because she considers my fangaying not the toxic kind! 



And for some really sizzling take, watch me pour over the addictive garlic sauce. 




And a trip to Megamall without buying little somethings is unthinkable so I spent less than 500 bucks for the paper things that I can now categorize as obsession. So here's a haul of sorts: 


1. Desk memo pad month & date and BDJ stickers at FullyBooked ( 50 php each!) 




2. Chuvaness + National Bookstore Notecards (65 php) 




3. Chuvaness + National Bookstore Gift Tags (17 php each)



4. Traveler's Times ( a freebie from Scribe)



5. And the best purchase of all, Care Packages book by Michelle Mackintosh bought at National Bookstore for 80% off! Granted the book has seen better days because the covers are frayed and tattered but what's inside are pages and pages of inspiration for gifting! I'll devote an entire week reading this for sure! 



Who says you can't enjoy Valentine's Day alone? It's not about who you are with but where you are at the moment. 


Btw, these are my journal entries for February 14-15. 





So in the crossroads you find yourself with no one to share romantic I love yous with, never despair. You are being prepared for something worthy, it's as if you never waited at all. Guaranteed, you won't be as embittered as that character from Valentine's Day the movie who every year sent out her invites for her very exclusive I Hate Valentine's Day Party because before the credit rolls, expectedly she has found the one. 

I hope whoever reads at this point finds it. That's what I want from you. Happy Valentine's Day! 



Xoxo, 


Cover image (pinterest)  


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